Bipolar disorder, much like other severe and enduring mental illnesses, remains heavily stigmatised.

There are so many misunderstandings around it still, which can be really frustrating for the person diagnosed with it. So, here is a list (though not exhaustive) of things that are not helpful to say to someone with bipolar disorder.

Have you taken your meds?
I’m starting off with a more complex one. There are circumstances where it might be appropriate to ask this, for example if you notice clear signs that somebody’s mental health appears to be deteriorating, or if you know them very well. However, for the most part this is not a helpful question as it’s often said by people who don’t know the person as well or are displaying normal emotions (anger, excitement, sadness etc). People with bipolar still experience a whole range of human emotions just like everybody else, and we don’t need to be pathologised.

I wish I could be manic
The perception of mania being ‘happy’ drives comments like this. Mania is a psychiatric emergency. It’s destructive, dangerous and highly debilitating. While the person might not recognise this when manic, I’m sure a lot of us look back at our manic episodes and can recognise that we were very unwell and that it’s not as simple as feeling good or happy.

Everybody has mood swings
Bipolar episodes are not emotions, and I think people get confused about this. Lots of people’s moods will shift over the week, day and even hour – that’s an absolutely normal part of the human experience. Distinct mood episodes in bipolar disorder are unrelated to emotions.

Have you tried…
These are (usually but not always) from well meaning people. For example, have you tried yoga/keto/mindfulness/veganism/walking/meditation etc etc. While these are all suggestions that might help someone’s overall wellbeing, they are not a cure for bipolar disorder, which is a chronic and lifelong illness. It also implies that we haven’t considered any of those things ourselves or that they are new suggestions, both of which often aren’t true.

What do you have to be depressed about
Bad things don’t have to happen for somebody to be depressed, and that’s one of the cruellest things about it. Bipolar disorder is by nature a relapsing illness, and although there can sometimes be triggers for episodes, other times there isn’t and people are just unlucky.

You seem so normal
Many people with bipolar disorder, in periods of stability, can live relatively ‘normal’ lives and function well. Lots of us are married, have careers, are parents, have hobbies, are in education and many other things. That doesn’t mean we aren’t mentally ill or that we won’t become unable to do those things in the future. You can’t tell someone has bipolar disorder by looking at them.

You’re overreacting
When people are manic or depressed they might react in ways that they wouldn’t otherwise in periods of wellness. It can also be really frustrating when people make incorrect assumptions or say ignorant things, and it’s absolutely fine to air those frustrations. Having our reactions and responses to things minimised can be really invalidating.

If you’re not sure about what to say to somebody with this illness, the best thing to do it ask them. You can also visit my resources page for helpful websites.