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Category: obsessive compulsive disorder

September 11, 2026 Cara Lisette

My Postnatal OCD Experience

  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Eating Disorders
  • Mental Health and Wellbeing
  • obsessive compulsive disorder
So it’s exactly a year (as of yesterday) since I found out I was pregnant. It was honestly extremely surprising because we weren’t expecting it quite so quickly, and it was also the day my EMDR training got approved which I knew that I wouldn’t be able to finish before going on maternity leave, so it was a day full of emotions! I honestly felt quite excited but absolutely petrified. We’d just put our house on the market, I knew there was the approaching chance I’d be getting redeployed - there was a lot going on. I also know that miscarriage rates are pretty high and with my history of how bad I’ve treated my body I didn’t really allow myself to believe it was real until we had our 8 week scan. At that point he was barely more than a teeny little shrimp with a heartbeat. I had some bleeding two days before my 12 week scan which was awful so we were prepared for the worst, but he was very happy in there and already looking like a tiny person. Hi pocket friends 🩷 Thanks for stopping by everyone 🩷 I always felt compelled to act on what anorexia told me because the consequences didn’t feel worth it if I didn’t - I’d feel panicky, sad and ashamed. But I vividly remember my therapist saying to me “nobody has a gun to your head stopping you from putting the spoon in your mouth”. It was direct but powerful. He was right. Nobody was forcing me to behave in ways that aligned with being ill. I had the choice whether to listen or not. So gradually I stopped listening. I’ve had a couple of treat days in the park recently which have been nice and it’s been good to enjoy the sun without it being too dangerous to take Beau out in it. It’s okay to take medication!! I know it can cause some shame and worry, and I know there’s a lot of misinformation and disinformation out there about it. But it’s okay to do what you need to do to stay alive. Postpartum mental illness is such a rollercoaster. If I’m not sad I’m hypomanic, if I’m not hypomanic I’m anxious, just in endless loop over and over again. I feel like I can’t settle the seesaw. Postpartum mental illness is something people consider to be so shameful but that shouldn’t be the case. You’re more likely to struggle with it if you have pre-existing difficulties, buts it’s an extremely vulnerable time for all women and can strike anyone. I’ve been really struggling with buying clothes since I had a baby. Most clothes I own don’t fit me but some do and it really hit me how hard it is trying to dress for a body that is constantly a different size, even in the same shops. I attach so much value to the number in my clothes and one of the things that has been the hardest with regards to accepting a new body is buying clothes in sizes I’ve never been before. I can’t buy anything on Vinted, for example, because I’m spread across different sizes. I went through my wardrobe and realised I’m currently wearing clothes in an XS and also a L. How can this be possible? My body isn’t drastically changing size every morning.
Posts by CaraLisette
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