A Day in the Life: Mania

CD18D401-12D7-4E61-86E6-16666E08BBECI’ve started another mini series about what it’s like to spend a day living with different mental health problems.

I don’t normally do this, but I’m putting a content warning on these posts. They might be difficult to read for people who are experiencing or are in recovery from any of the topics I’ll be discussing: anorexia, depression and mania. However, it’s very important to me that the raw, painful truth of mental illness is exposed. There are many, many examples of mental illness being glamourised in the media, but that’s not the reality we live with day to day. I’m hoping it wont be, but some of the content might be triggering.

I can’t remember the last time I slept but I know it’s a waste of time it’s impossible to get very much done when you’re asleep and I have so many more important things I could be doing that I don’t need to sleep at all and I can’t anyway because it’s such a waste of time. What can I do? I haven’t cleaned out the kitchen or painted anything or written anything or spring cleaned my house. I have so much energy I feel like I’m going to explode I need to get rid of some I feel so powerful I’m going to go out running and I’m going to run and run and run. I need to talk to all my friends and tell them my ideas how do people invent sayings how do they become something people say I’ll tell all my friends my ideas for good sayings and then everyone will be saying them soon maybe it will make me famous. I need to write a children’s book this is the best idea maybe it will be a best seller I think I’ll probably be rich. This is so funny this is the best thing anyone has ever written I can’t believe I’ve never thought of this I wonder how quickly it will get published. I wish people would stop telling me what to do. I need to get a whole new wardrobe and buy presents for everyone and to show them how much I love them I love them more than anything in the world. Why doesn’t anyone else think that these ideas are good or that I’m funny other people are so stupid they don’t understand what I understand because I am cleverer and funnier than them. What day is it? I can’t remember when I last ate or drank anything but it’s such a waste of time when I could be doing something more important I don’t need to sleep or eat or drink because I am too special and I’m not like other people I wonder what great things I can achieve while everyone else is sleeping why are other people so stupid and so much slower than me they don’t understand. Why can’t anyone else keep up it’s frustrating me but I do love everyone in my life so much god it’s such a mess everywhere but I don’t have time to finish those jobs I’ve got more important things to do. This water tastes funny has somebody done something to it I think somebody has done something to it I can’t drink this somebody is trying to hurt me because they are jealous of my children’s book and how successful I am going to be from making up the best saying that has ever existed. I can’t sit still my body feels like electricity I have no idea what time it is or what day it is or when I slept but I don’t think I’ll need to sleep again.

The purpose of this series is to be real and honest, and I hope I’ve achieved that. I want people to understand that mental illness is real and that battling with your own mind every day is all consuming and frightening. If you have struggled with any of the issues mentioned above, you can find some great resources here. I’ve also talked about my experiences with anorexia, and have guest posts about orthorexia and OCD.

Do you have your own story to tell about a day in your life living with a mental health problem? If you’d like to contribute to this series and write your own post, I’d love to hear from you. You can get in touch with me here.

 

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3 comments

  1. This is really really brave to write, and as someone who doesn’t live with manic episodes it’s helped me to understand a bit. I still can’t imagine what it’s like to deal with, but your writing shows something very important. Thank you for sharing this 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. very honest account
    my late sister had bipolar and my husband has it – he was on olanzapine for 10 years which gave him an enlarge heart I knew he had to come off it even though I dreaded a manic episode so he came off it
    The dreaded mania happened but I gave him some 5htp and this calmed him down, his manic episodes last 3 months but we got through amazingly by me giving him 5htp, taurine, inositol and the odd 5mg of olanzapine he also has omega 3 from fish oil capsules and flaxseed oil capsules
    bipolar disorder ( and schizophrenia ) is caused by dopamine overload an inability to synthesize dopamine – serotonin is the counter / opposite which balances out the excess dopamine

    big pharmas can’t patent amino acids etc so they mix their own cocktail

    Liked by 1 person

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