I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder 8 years ago, and I’ve learnt a lot in that time about what is and isn’t helpful for me in times of being unwell.

I’m often asked by people what they can do to help a loved one, so whilst this list isn’t exhaustive and may not be relevant for everyone, I’ve collated some thoughts based on my own experiences and those of others I have spoken with.

Learn about bipolar disorder
One of the most important things in my view is to learn about bipolar disorder and what it means for the person diagnosed. There are a lot of misunderstandings and myths around the illness and unless you’ve had personal or professional experience of it before, it’s likely you will hold some misconceptions around how it presents and what it’s like to live with. Bipolar UK and the International Bipolar Foundation are really good places to start.

Learn about your loved ones bipolar disorder
Now that you’ve spent some time learning about the illness in general, the next steps are to learn about how it looks for the person you care about. Although there are some common overlapping symptoms, most people don’t experience every single one of them, so finding out more about how they feel, think and behave when unwell is really important.

Manage triggers
Unfortunately, life is difficult and stressful at times for most people, and this can be unavoidable. However, there are also things that can’t be avoided. Explore any triggers for them becoming unwell and then a plan can be established of a) what triggers can be minimised and avoided and b) what triggers are unavoidable and how do we best manage these.

Listen to them
It’s okay to not always know the answers. Sometimes people just need a friendly ear rather than somebody to problem solve for them, and being a good and patient listener can go a really long way. We don’t always want someone to tell us what to do, just to hear our distress and let us vent.

Make a crisis plan with them
If they’ll let you and are happy to have support with this exercise, it can be really valuable to be able to give input into crisis plans. I know there are things I don’t notice when I’m becoming unwell that other people do, so for me it was really important to have their views come across. If they would rather do this by themselves, still encourage them to share it with you after. There might be signs they notice in themselves that you weren’t aware of before, and it can really help with catching episodes early if everyone is on the same page.

Be compassionate
People can do things during bipolar episodes that they’re not proud of, and sometimes these do impact those around them. While you don’t need to necessarily forgive those actions if they’ve impacted you, it’s important to hold compassion for the person who behaved in that way, as we are not always in control of our actions when we are unwell. That doesn’t mean though that we shouldn’t be held accountable; it’s still important for us to take some responsibility if we’ve caused any hurt or upset.

Be kind to yourself
It can be very hard supporting someone with a severe and enduring mental illness, so it’s important you take time for yourself too. Seek support in friends, other carers, or health professionals if needed. Importantly, try not to take it personally if the person you care about becomes unwell. Bipolar is inherently a relapsing illness, it’s not your fault if somebody goes through a rough patch.

If you have bipolar disorder or are a carer for somebody who does, is there anything you’d add to this list?