Ana and Me

Disclaimer: I actually wrote this poem in 2010 but I came across it yesterday and it felt relevant as ever.

The relationship many of us have with anorexia is toxic and complicated, and for me this summarises those feelings well.

One look in the mirror makes me want to die
Don’t try and tell me who I see is a lie
She is the only one I believe
Everyone else will lie and deceive 
Making me think there is good on that plate
Then watching me eat and pile on weight
She tells me the truth
I know I can trust her
She gives me all the strength I can muster
To keep battling on through the pain and the hunger
She’s holding me close
She’s pulling me under
She tells me a promise 
“One day you’ll be thin”
She lays down the rules
“To eat is to sin”
Forever trapped in a body I hate
Reminding me of each time that I ate
She tells me one day that I’ll be light as air
She holds me close in our sick love affair
I’ve recited the rules
I know they are right
I’ll keep following them
Until I am light
Food is the enemy
It’s one step ahead
But I will avoid it
Until I am dead
Every day is a constant fight
There’s venom soaked into every bite
She promised me I’d be light as a feather
She’s there by my side
She’ll love me forever
You all think I’m worse but she tells me I’m better
You think I’m crazy
But you just don’t get her
I know that she loves me
All she says is true
Her name is Ana
And I love her too

– Cara Lisette

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